If SEO Was a Jail

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This is my take on the whole white hat VS black hat thing:

go to jail image

Day 1
The jail has been split up into two sections. In section 1 are the black hatters, they are seriously miffed that they have been locked away. This has to of been a mistake, day 1 and they are already plotting their escape.

Section 2 consists of the white hat SEO’s. How could this be? There must have been a mistake in the law that cost them their freedom. Day 1 and they are already looking into WHY they have been locked away.

Day 2
We head back to section 1 of the prison. The black hatters managed to kick in the locks on the prison cells using a hammer that one of them snuck in. They were caught by security moments away from jumping over the gates, they were all sent back to their cells. In light of this incident, the head prison guard Mr Cat Mutts has installed 10 bulletproof locks on each cell.

Over to section 2 of the jail and the white hatters have already begun scanning the past 100 years of constitutional rights. They have submitted their applications for parole and are on their best behaviour. They know that if they slip up at any point between now and their parole hearing, it could hamper their chances of being granted bail.

Day 3
Word has got around to the black hatters that the only way they are going to legally be set free is if they fill out the necessary forms, study every law, and precedent in the past 100 years that relates to their case. Knowing this could take years they have all come to the agreement that they need to speed things up. One of the black hatters has a friend in India who is very good at making machines that scan laws and fill out paperwork in a matter of minutes. It’s a no brainer for them.

The white hatters know that if they can get support from the public, they’ll have more chance of being released, as it will look amazing on their application. They have started collecting names, contact details, and comments of protest from their friends and family. The word is being spread. Sure it will take some time, but they know it will be worth it in the long run.

Day 4
The machine has arrived! The black hatters amp it up so it can now fill out hundred of “applications for release forms” a minute. Not only does it do that, but it also has an inbuilt feature where it fakes public support. The machine creates 20 million fake people, and spins the comments around so each message of protest looks unique. Genius! We all know how long it would take to get 20 million comments right?

Oh dear. One of the black hat members started freaking out the other black hatters. He thinks “20 million comments on the protest document could look suspicious”.

Wait.. Crisis over, another black hat member just told the other members that he has a “friend” that did this and it worked. Business as usual, the black hatters are all on the same page again.

Day 5
The black hatters submit their application for release form, along with 20 million comments of disapproval for their incarceration from the public. The prison is blown away by this. They are automatically released from jail. No probation, no bail, no hearings, just an extremely fast release. In fact it’s the fastest release ever.

The black hatters celebrate that night, it was so easy! In fact it was so easy; they could make money off this. They release an e-book, “How to be released from jail in 5 days”. How could the white hatters be so stupid?

Day 6
The white hatters know that if they want to get public support, they will have to create a campaign that catches their attention better. So far only their family and friend have jumped on board.

Day 7
The black hatters are still celebrating their success – but are they really celebrating deep down? They have to know that the celebrations will last as long as it takes for the prison to figure out that they gamed the system.

Meanwhile, the jail is starting to get suspicious. How could they get 20 million messages of support in 1 day? Where is the media attention? Why were there no articles in the papers about their plight? Why is nobody talking about them on the streets, after all they did get 20 million messages of support! The investigation has begun.

Day 20
The white hatters release videos, blogs, they hit Twitter and Facebook hard. People are starting to catch on. They are starting to get real attention – from real people and media outlets. They are finally starting to get heard. The bail hearing has been set.

Day 25
With research, supporting papers, a genuine public outcry and application for release papers all intact the white hatters put forward their argument.

The decision is in. The white hatters are to be released. They went through the procedures the right way, no shortcuts, no fear of being sent back to jail for gaming the system. The white hatters aren’t surprised; they knew all along that they would be released. They believed in their story, and presented it in a manner that would get noticed. For them it was just a matter of time.

Ps- I can’t believe you guys are still reading this. Thank you so much. So what happened to the black hatters you may ask? The same thing that always happens to people that cheat the system. You always live in fear. The fear of waking up in the morning and all your rankings have disappeared off the face of the earth. You decide what happens to the black hatters, what path will you take in your search engine optimization strategy? If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

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